Twas the night before Christmas, all over the ranch,
Not a creature was stirring…it seemed at first glance.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of taco chips danced in their heads.
The stockings were flung on the back of a chair.
In hopes that ole Santa would notice them there.
And Papa with his soda and I with my tea,
Had just settled down, on the couch, by the tree.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat yelling, “Now what’s the matter!”
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Knocked over Tom’s Pepsi and fell with a crash!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and—one Charolais steer?
With a little old driver, so chubby and plump,
I knew that he couldn’t see over its rump.
More rapid than turtles they plodded along.
Though he whistled and shouted and hollered this song.
“My reindeer are missing, and all I could find.
Was this lumbering steer and his massive be-hind.”
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,
The cumbersome steer put a hoof through them all.
He soared to the rooftop in one mighty leap,
But then lost his footing! The roof–it’s too steep!
In only a twinkling I heard something slip,
As Santa, the sleigh and the steer lost their grip.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Past the window ole Santa plunged to the ground.
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his toe,
And he yelled, “Damn that beast that I got from Les Row!”
He was jolly well mad. A right angry old elf,
And I shook by the window in spite of myself.
But, a wink of his eye, and a nod of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He had a broad face and a round little belly,
That shook when he ran, to evade our dog Kelly.
He picked up the toys and turned over the sleigh,
Then growled at the animal, “Stay there, okay!”
A bundle of toys he then tossed on his back,
As he rounded the house, sneaking in through the back.
His eyes how they twinkled. His dimples how merry.
He gummed down a cookie and sighed, “That was scary.”
A stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
Though the smoke was so putrid it wilted my wreath.
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a bow,
And he tracked in some dirt—cause we didn’t have snow.
He mumbled a bit, but went straight to his work.
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a smirk,
And laying a finger aside of his nose,
He glanced out the window, and suddenly froze.
For there in the moonlight he saw that his sleigh,
Was rounding a corner and flying away.
He sprang down the steps and ran out of the dwelling.
He woke up the children with all of his yelling.
But I heard his exclaim, ere he puffed out of sight.
“You’ll pay for this Les, if it takes me all night!”
May you enjoy this wonderful time of year with those who are close to your heart. I wish you all a very merry Christmas.